Sleepy Times

“Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day’s life, sore labour’s bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature’s second course,
Chief nourisher in life’s feast.”
-William Shakespeare, Macbeth

I have a complicated relationship with sleep. On the one hand, it’s magically delicious! On the other hand, it’s fickle, elusive, occasionally taunting, and sometimes, a real bitch. What with insomnia, various ailments, the worries of the world, the internal clock of Louie, an old bed, hot flashes, noisy neighbors, and a certain, unnamed sibling (okay, we’ll call her Pez), who feels that if she is awake, her sweet sister will also be awake, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep, in say, approximately 700 years. I’m really tired.
Recently, I heard an infomercial. “Do you wake up exhausted”? Yes! “Do you toss and turn all night, trying to find the cool comfortable place on the pillow”? Hell, yes! “What would you give for the perfect night’s sleep”?
The answer is…pretty much anything. Don’t have a first born, but if I did, I’d willingly throw them in. I was pretty excited to learn that for the low, low price of $99.98 (and wait, there’s more), I could be the proud owner of two MyPillows, which are the official pillow of the National Sleep Foundation, winner of the 2013 QVC Product Concept of the Year award. And according to the testimonials, these pillows wouldn’t just improve my sleep, they would also help my back, cure my sinuses, straighten out my Chi, and perhaps, make my coat more shiny.
So, I went for it. For the first time in my life, I fell for an infomercial, one that promised to change my life in a very restful way.
But you know how it is? Like, you buy a new chair, and suddenly you realize you need to paint your whole house? While waiting for my miracle pillows to be delivered, I had the epiphany that those two pillows weren’t going to do much, resting as they would, on an old, lumpy, uneven bed. So, I started researching beds. Who knew that the bed industry has become so complex? It’s like buying a car! And some of the prices could probably get you in a small, used compact.
After much research, I landed on a Serta iSeries Vantage Firm Mattress, which was the highest rated, mid-priced model for side sleepers with back issues. How’s that for specific? And, from additional research, I learned that the best time to purchase a mattress is around “American” holidays (i.e. 4th of July, Labor Day, and oddly enough, Columbus Day). So, armed with my printouts and price comparisons, I marched myself off Columbus Day weekend to a local Sears, which was offering 60% off the mattress set of my choice. I seriously doubt the stunned salesperson has ever made a sale so quickly. I didn’t want to lie on the bed, see any options or take it for a test spin. Done and done in about 8 minutes flat, with the bed to be delivered within days.
That happy day soon arrived. I set up the bed, with the new pillows and fresh mattress pad, and got ready for the best night’s sleep of my life. And it pretty much was, the bed and pillows are completely, awesomely, fabulous.
Then I went to Massachusetts for a week, and slept on the Westin Heavenly bed, which was nice but not quite as great as my sweet, sweet dream machine at home.
Unfortunately, soon after I returned home, we had the time change. And while I was still sleeping much better, Louie Dog decided he couldn’t adjust to daylight savings and began waking me up with increasing ferocity, 90 minutes to an hour before I needed to be awake. And considering I have a very early morning meeting, 3 mornings a week, that was way too early for comfort.
It’s been a week of early morning risings, and this weekend, after much persuasion and cajoling, I finally got Louie to accept a later wake up call. So of course, yesterday, my neighbors decided to hold a garage sale, starting noisily at 6:30. It was only a one day sale, though, so I had great hopes for this morning. Until Pez called, way too early, to ask me if our mother had any sayings about crying in soup.
The end, for now

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