Courage!

Have you ever heard the phrase, Fortune favors the brave? Or for those of you who might be more classically educated, Audentes fortuna iuvat or Audentes fortuna adiuvat? Which means the same thing. In Latin. This phrase or saying has been around for a lonnnnnggggg time. The earliest known recorded use is by a 2nd century BC playwright. And, allegedly, Julius Caesar paraphrased it, muttering alea iacta est (the die is cast) as he crossed the Rubicon river.
Now, before you start worrying that I’ve gone all educumated and snobbourifious on you, confession time. I first heard the term from my beloved Buffy. You know, the vampire slayer! She utters the powerful phrase during a dream sequence, in my second all-time favorite episode, Hush, which if you have never seen, add it to your Netflix. It was brilliant and funny and scary and done almost entirely without dialogue.
Anyways…back to fortune’s favors. I’m not the only one impressed by this saying. It’s also the motto of the USS Florida, the 25th Flight Army Air Corps in the British Army, the 2nd Battalion 3rd U.S. Marines, and a whole other slew of regiments, families, and clans. So, like, it resonates.
And why is it resonating with me? Well, I’ve been questioning my own courage a lot lately, as I stand on the precipice of making some life changing decisions. For the past three months, I have been circling the psychic globe on some pretty huge opportunities, and yesterday, after being stalled in a holding pattern for weeks, it all came crashing down, with a mighty THUMP. Ow. During this whole, excruciating time, I’ve also been sort of holding at bay another, completely different huge opportunity, but one that is going to take me out of some very well worn and comfortable zones. It’s something I’ve been dipping my toes in to, and out of, for many months, sometimes with whole hearted excitement, and just as often, with shake in your boots fear.
Honestly, I’m not trying to be murky or obtuse here, but there’s a lot to be settled, and things could still work out in a multitude of ways. Some of it is in my control, and a lot of it is not.
So, why write about it at all, you might so reasonably ask? Because this is my life, and my truth, and all of this has been occupying almost all of my free thinking time for the past many moons, and kept me awake so many nights. And I’m a writer, damn it, so writing is my way to get my thoughts straight, and have a better sense of where I’m going. And, yes, share with anyone kind enough (or bored enough, let’s face it) to be reading my words. And if you have wondered in any way why I haven’t written for a while, well, this is it.
I want to be the kind of person who takes chances, who occasionally leaps before she looks. Instead, I plan, I think, I think some more, I think of reasons that I shouldn’t or couldn’t do things. I don’t think I lack courage, because I know I have faced some very serious and hard things calmly and with some grace. But there’s something in me that is very risk adverse. And I’d like to change that.
The other thing about me, is while it may take me a very long time to make up my mind, once I do, there’s no holding me back. So, at this late age of 52 years and 11/12ths months, I think I’m gearing up to take that chance, make that leap, and see where it all leads. So, fortune, please, I’ll try to be brave. Favor me, and we’ll see what happens next.
The end, for now

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