Downs and Ups

The past few weeks have definitely been filled with highs and some very low lows. For one thing, I had three different job opportunities at play that fell one by one by the wayside. It’s so hard to process these rejections without feeling completely dejected. It was especially hard because one of the opportunities felt like it came as close as anything has since I was laid off. I made the mistake of thinking I was finally going to get that great job offer.
It began about 4 weeks ago. I had applied for a promising position on a Monday morning. I won’t go into specifics, but it was a position that seemed to match my skills and background perfectly, for a well-respected company. By Monday afternoon, I had already been contacted by the HR Manager, passed the phone screen, and asked to come in for an interview.
Although I was told I would just be meeting with HR, I ended up spending several hours there, meeting with not only the person whose job I would be replacing, but the COO. By the time I had arrived home, I had already received a call to return meet with the owner of the company. I felt that our meeting went well, but he issued me a challenge. “Come back and work with us for a half day, meet the staff, and then come back and tell me what you think,” he said.
I had never heard of such a situation, but willingly agreed. And, I figured I must be a final candidate or they wouldn’t be asking me for such a commitment, or introducing me to their staff. So I went in for a morning, met with about 8 different people, conducted in depth conversations with key team members, toured all the related departments, and returned to the owner to share my conclusions.
I’ll be honest. I was actually half hoping/half expecting that morning would end with an offer. Things had seemed to go so promisingly. So, imagine my disappointment, and in fact confusion, when at the end of the morning I was told they were still sorting through candidates, and would call me within two weeks.
Now, part of the blessing, but also the curse of this journey, is that I am not on it alone. I have a wonderful group of close friends and family that are all in it with me, and I couldn’t get through this without them. But on the flip side, that means that I also have a group of people that share my disappointments and frustration. When I called my dad on the way home, he was actually angry for me, expressing that he thought I had been treated unfairly, and led on.
I definitely felt let down, but I realized that the company was trying to find the best fit for this important position. I understood why they were going about it the way they were, but also felt that they weren’t giving thought and consideration to the candidate’s point of view. That’s their right, but if I could have made a follow up suggestion, it would have been to be either wait until they were at the finalist stage to ask someone to come in for a half day, or to be clearer with them about their process.
While in the two week waiting period, two other jobs surfaced, and I interviewed by phone for both of them. They were great opportunities, but I didn’t think I was a perfect fit for either of them, and was disappointed but not surprised when I didn’t receive calls to go onto the next rounds. I was fairly crushed, however, to get the call yesterday that I would not be receiving a job offer from the first company; they were going with another candidate. I felt like that would have been a dream job, but it’s not to be my dream.
So what happens next? I sit here this morning, still sore and aching from the double root canal I had this week, with a slightly battered soul and spirit. There’s part of me that wants to sink into full despair, it’s all too hard. But remember when I said the last few weeks also had highs? I recently received a lovely and unexpected little gift from a friend, who reads my blog and remembered I said something about softening my feet, so she sent me some little tins of lanolin. Even lovelier, she sent me the most beautiful note, about how I had touched her with what I write. I can’t even express how much that meant to me.
Last night I spent several hours with one of my oldest and best friends, who knows me better than almost anyone. We laughed like idiots, but also shared our hearts, and I think, encouraged each other to keep trying to do better every day. In the past few weeks, I have also started a “secret” project with another dear friend, something completely new and different for me, and a great source of fun and creativity. I have also spent hours, literally, talking to my sister and my best friend over the last week. Between these two ladies, their care and comfort helps me to know, eventually, somehow, it will all be okay, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.
So, once again, a dusting off, a picking up, and a starting all over again. And if I feel too tired and discouraged to do it by myself, all I have to do is call on any of the people mentioned above, plus a whole bonus list of other people who care. They are all blessings, and any time I lose my way, I just need to remember that, and start counting them. And if you are reading this, it’s likely you are on that list, so thank you. I hope and pray I can do the same for you.
The end, for now


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