Happy New Year!

Well, I know I said I was going to take a break from blogging for a couple of weeks, and maybe I still will…starting now. But as always, I have a lot of thoughts in my purty little head, and dang it, I just want to share them. It’s New Year’s Eve, Dec. 31, 2013. The last day of a pretty mind bending, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, crazy, fucked up year. And that was just January! (Drumroll! Thanks Folks, I’ll be here all week).
I was trying to remember if it was the worst year I have ever had, considering job stress, job loss, imminent doom and poverty, ruptured appendix, deforming skin cancer, I mean, deforming shark attack…and more. And it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for some of my nearest and dearest either, but I’ll leave them to tell their own tales. Somehow, even with all that, I feel as if there have been worse years. I can’t remember when, exactly, but I’m pretty sure there have been. But being the eternal optimist, I’m pretty sure that even in those bad years, like this one, the good still trumps the bad, and kicks its badass back to Badlington. Because at the end of the day, or at the end of the year, I am still very much in it to win it, smile on my face, fire in my heart, let’s move forward and take the next one.
At lunch yesterday, a dear friend complimented me on how well I have navigated this year, saying that she would have been bitter towards all of the disappointments and challenges I have faced. I was really touched by her comment, and accepted it gratefully, but the truth is, bitterness is not something I want to spend time with. As I explained to her, this period has been difficult enough without letting such a negative and powerful emotion creep into my mind and actions. That is not to say I am a saint, by any means. I have definitely struggled with stress, depression, anxiety and fear. And there have been bad days, but I have tried not to let them develop into bad weeks. At some point, I have to flex my other muscles: courage, humor, tenacity. I have had to take a look outside of my own human condition, and realize on my worst day, I am so unbelievably lucky and blessed. I know that’s been a theme in many of my posts, but without practicing gratitude, I don’t think I would have made it through this year.
For the past few months, I have been taking my old Louie dog out for one final visit to the backyard before bedtime. There, in the cold, late night sky, I have begun focusing on the brightest star I can find at night and sending up a little prayer. Nothing as flagrant as “Star, get me a job!” but more along the lines of asking for wisdom and strength to find my way, and for some grace for those on this earth who are truly suffering. I’m not sure if I am asking God, Star Light, or just the unknown powers that be, but it feels right and good to put it out there.
For all of us, I wish the happiest of New Year’s to come. Let those who are hungry find food, those who are homeless find a safe haven, those who are ill find health. Let there be peace on Earth, please. I’m sure 2014 will be an adventure, in one way or another, and I for one, can’t wait to see what happens next.
The end, for now

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