Merry Christmas?

Christmas 2013 is almost here. Truth told, I’ve been struggling trying to get into the holiday spirit. In spite of watching almost a month’s worth of smarmy Lifetime movies, that all have happy endings, I’m not so sure about my own happy ending. Being unemployed, with constant worries about how I’m going to make ends meet in the coming months, it’s hard to feel confident that I will get my own happily ever after.
I found out that a job I had interviewed for, one that I considered “the” dream job and wanted with all of my heart, was not going to be mine. It’s the first time in all of these months that I have cried over not getting a job, but this one hurt. I’m sad, and I’m scared and I’m broke. And Christmas is almost here.
But here’s the thing about me. I fall down, and I get back up. I have a couple of days to pull it all together, to work with what I have, and to find, if not a happy ending, at least a happy interval. There’s no guarantee or your money back that it will all work out in the end. But it’s my mantra and what keeps me moving forwards, that belief that everything is going to be okay.
I tried to picture myself as one of the heroines of those cheesy movies I have been watching. Sassy former manager, two wee little ones to feed (okay, named Daisy and Louie, work with me). Wolf at the door, no money for Christmas. What will happen? What will our sassy girl do? If this were a Lifetime movie, I would hit my head and wake up in a parallel universe, where I would learn an important lesson about why the choices I made were the right or wrong ones, depending on the movie.
If I were Georgia Bailey, I might meet an angel who would show me how, even though times are hard, I’ve made a positive impact on this world, and some of the people in it. Except, and I really don’t mean to self-deprecate, I think this world would be pretty much the same if I hadn’t been born, and maybe that’s something for me to think about in the coming year, how I might leave a better footprint, for the world, and its citizens.
So far, this reflection isn’t really cheering me up. And I’m sorry, it’s almost Christmas, and I don’t want to be a downer. But here’s the real deal. Life is hard, and life is good. Sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you have to wait for it, and work for it, and believe in it. And sometimes what you get isn’t what you thought you wanted, but as the song says, what you need. Everything will be okay in the end, and if it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end.
Life isn’t a Lifetime movie, but I’ve learned some important lessons this year, all the same. I learned that the thing I thought was so all important, my job, actually wasn’t important at all. I’ve been reminded about the value of family and friends, and how the good ones circle the wagons around you when times are hard. I‘ve remembered, and I had forgotten a bit, that I am incredibly resilient, and braver than I thought, and blessed. So, Christmas is coming. I have so much to be grateful for. There may be no presents under the tree this year, or even a tree at all, but there’s good food on the table, and a solid roof over my head. Family to visit with and friends with whom to raise a glass of cheer. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Peace, good will and good fortune in the coming year.
The End, for now


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