Pushing the Reset Button

The last few weeks have certainly been, hmmmm, well, interesting. Late June through mid-July, I had some very interesting and exciting job interviews, which ultimately did not result in offers of employment. However, even getting the calls, and the interviews, felt like a mini win. Someone out there had seen my resume, sent out into the great void that is the internet, and believed that I was worth talking to.

It’s a validation, when I most need one. Getting laid off was a blow, not just to my security and livelihood, but also to my ego. As the weeks go by, as I have written before, it takes a lot of fortitude to not start doubting your skills and strengths. And I have worked, so hard, at trying to keep it all facing forward, it was exhausting. I kind of felt like something had to give.

What I didn’t see coming, was that it would be my appendix! Never in a million years, with all of the calamities that have befallen me, did I ever expect, especially at my “mature” age, that my appendix would rupture. First of all, real funny God. You are quite a little trickster! And although I like the hijinks as much or more than the next person, the timing seems a little harsh.

It still feels a bit like a bad dream that never happened. Hours in urgent care, emergency surgery, days in the hospital. I think about it and wonder if it happened, but there are several new scars on my tummy, and aches and pains I never felt before, to serve as a reality reminder.

Thankfully, I am fine. But after two weeks of being pretty bad off, which included not being able to exercise and having no energy to speak of, I felt low. I felt as if every good thing I had done since my layoff, like exercising, starting this blog, focusing on the positive, keeping a fairly strict schedule, all that, it felt like all the good had been washed away, and I was back at square one. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

I talked it over with some of my besties (thank you, and thank goodness for you!). I love these women, for many reasons, including the fact that they allow me the safety to express my doubts and fears, even when it’s not noble or smart or pretty. So they listened, but they didn’t give in to my floundering. They told me how proud they were of me, and one of them, let’s call her “Stevie” was quite adamant in reminding me of what I had accomplished during this challenging time. I must have taught her the art of debate somewhere in our hundred year friendship, because she made some good points.

I hadn’t completely recovered, either physically or spiritually, through last week. I realized it was not going well when I was applying for a job online while actually sniffling over the keyboard. At that point, I gave myself a stern talking to, and started the climb back up.

Life is good, and life is great, but it is also hard. My problems are insignificant when compared to so many people on this earth who live lives without comfort, security, peace, even such basic needs as food and water.  I will get a new job. My energy will return, my scars will fade. I am so blessed with friends and family who are holding my hand, watching my back, cheering me on, and even lecturing me when needed.

I am so curious to see where life leads me in the next few months. I am back to my usual cautiously optimistic self. Heck, it’s not even cautious. I know the world is going to bring me great things, great joy and great opportunities. I just can’t wait to get there.

The end, for now

 

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One response

  1. Love it as always. You have such a way with words. Xo

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