Roller Coaster

The last week has been a real roller coaster of moods and emotions, with sharp curves and steep inclines. In fact, I am pretty sure I have personified at least 5 of the 7 Dwarves in the last week: Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey and Sneezy (I had a cold). Probably not Bashful and I’m still debating on Doc. I did try to give my sister some medical advice last weekend, so I’m going to slide that one in too.

It started early last week, with an IMPORTANT interview. Of course, at this point, any and all interviews would be considered important, but this was for a very exciting opportunity, and as I referenced in my last post, one that would be life changing. My anticipation, nervousness, and excitement leading up to the interview, was at a high pitch. The fact that it was conducted by video chat, and involved my buying a web cam and then learning how to use one, just added to the fun. It actually all went seamlessly, but I haven’t heard anything more. That could mean that they are still interviewing the first round candidates, or they are going in another direction. So for now, I wait.

After that, I decided to take a few days off for 4th of July. I realize the concept of “taking time off” when you aren’t working may seem a bit odd, but for me, it just meant giving myself permission to play a little bit and forget for a few days. I spent the actual holiday with my sweet sister and her fiancé, and had a wonderful 24 hour getaway. But when I returned home on Friday, still in the vacation mindset, I had an unexpected and painful reminder—a UPS delivery of my final paycheck. And when I opened the envelope and saw it, I cried.

I shouldn’t have been so affected. My formal termination date, per the layoff terms, was July 7. I have had this date in my mind since I was given notice, and had been mentally preparing to sign the final agreement, which could not be signed before that date, and send it in. I don’t know why this made the whole out of work thing feel so much more real, but I was pretty depressed about it all weekend.

Monday morning, I woke up resolved to start fresh. No more “days off.” It was time to go back to the job of looking for a job, screening job sites, networking, etc. But, I felt downhearted. Now that I have signed my agreement, the clock has officially started ticking as to how long I will be able to keep afloat. It’s not an ungenerous amount of time, but I feel as if I know the exact moment in time that my resources will run out, and that clock is mentally with me most of the time, ticking away my comfort and security. It took some psychic wrangling to regain my gumption. I found a couple of interesting jobs to apply to, but true confession, I was struggling to stay positive.

One of the really great things that has happened since I stopped working is that I have committed to an ambitious (for me) exercise program. Not only have I lost 12 pounds in 8 weeks, but I also feel very proud of myself for keeping to the plan. I am sleeping better, and I can feel my clothes fitting more loosely. So I decided yesterday afternoon to work myself out of my grumps with an extra workout. I was on the bike, music blaring, pedaling madly, when I heard the phone ring, but I didn’t stop to answer it. 30 minutes later, breathless, I listened to the message from a recruiter, for one of the jobs I had applied to that morning! A very exciting opportunity for an IMPORTANT job. And here we go again, chugging up the track. Stay tuned!

The end, for now



One response

  1. Awesome Kathi Sue!
    I have so much empathy for what you are going thru….it’s so hard seeing your friends go through difficult times and be powerless to do anything about it…..But I know there is always something to be learned in every situation. Cup half full…..xoxoxo
    (am I annoying???? Just punch me in the mouth as needed!!!)

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